1. I use the pregnant card

I have no shame using the pregnant card with my husband. It's all in good fun (most the time) but he'll for real go back to the store if he didn't get the right pita chips. I'm carrying his child after all.

2. I pee a little when I sneeze

The bladder just all around sucks during pregnancy - it seems like it shrinks to the size of a dime while being jumped on by a rambunctious baby & there is so little control. Any sudden involuntary body movements - coughing, sneezing, laughing - are down right dangerous during these 9 months.

3. I literally lose my shit daily

By shit I mean keys, phone, wallet, mind - you name it and I've miss placed it. I feel like I'm Dori from finding nemo. Just keep swimming right?

4. I make old man sounds

This cannot be helped - I've tried. If I have to stand up, bend over, take my boots off, or pretty much anything that causes a little effort - my mouth makes strange sounds - its somewhere between a grunt and a sigh. 

5. I'm pissed I didn't get the cute bump

You know the don't even look pregnant from the back - pssh I look pregnant from outer space. Both my sisters got the adorable bump when they were pregnant but no I get to look like I ate a small truck for lunch - awesome.

6. My day has three stages

Morning - tired & lazy

Afternoon - dying for a nap & falling asleep standing up

Night - can't fall asleep or get comfortable

And repeat. 

7. I miss the good drugs

You know the ones that actually work! I have had consistent headaches throughout my pregnancy and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. Oh go take a Tylenol? Please that doesn't do anything - I may as well go take a sugar pill. 

8. I'm turning into my husband

I'm snoring all night long, ripping ass on the reg, getting a hairy belly and eating ridiculous amounts of food. I can't control these pregnancy related 'symptoms' but he isn't pregnant so he has no excuse, right? Right. 

9. I'm so lazy I lay down in the shower

Well I'm not suppose to take baths (I'm not a fan of them anyways) and I'm much to lazy to stand up  for 15 minutes. This isn't actually a 'new' habit although it happens much more frequently now that I'm pregnant and carrying extra weight. The down side is the getting up off the tub floor part of the shower. 

10. I didn't get the gender I (thought I) wanted

There is no denying I wanted and thought I was having a girl. That's the down side of blogging during your pregnancy - it's all recorded. I wanted a girl so I could play dress up - sue me. However I get more and more excited to be having a boy. I've been around more boy babies and toddlers than girls so I feel more comfortable and confident in what to expect. Also picturing a mini version of my husband makes my heart melt. I feel so giddy thinking about my baby boy I can't help but smile and thank God.